New life

i'm living a new life.
it's not an easy life.
but it is a life moving towards
more simple things
less stress.
less.
telling people what i need
even my ex
which is hard for me
very
and my son
who has been paying his rent
with school loans that i have to pay
interest on
it's hard for me to say
i can't do it all
i need some things
i've made mistakes
i've lived for three years
in a mode that was necessary
but this new life
is exciting
a life of
simple
of cutting back
but never being stingy
of being careful
but learning not to worry
ever
and that's hard
too
but necessary
to give god credit
to genuinely trust
and not think that
i earn his favor
ever
jesus did that
i could not
ever
it was
bestowed
totally undeservedly
and my head bows
in humbleness
not humiliation
in gratitude
in joy of living
in the absolute
knowing
that it's never too late
to live a better life
never
and i began
on so many fronts
and i get up every day
and do it again
and again
and somehow
i find that more
difficulties
keep washing over me
pushing down
and i come up gasping again
but in the breath  is delight
knowing that these trials
are nothing
in comparison to the
greatness of
our god
and i find that calm place
that place where spirit
meets flesh
and i demand to live
in the spirit
to change
to grow
to believe
to hope
heart weary
broke as broke can be
problems growing like weeds
but happy
for in him
there is
new life
new.
life.
two words
of hope.

blessings, dear ones.