Should He Stay

I am in a unique position in life.  I own my home.  Literally.  Not with my husband, but thanks to the generosity of my grandparents, I own my own home.  But I sleep in the living room.  For months I have not been able to be with my husband.  Finally, coming to the knowledge of what has been behind my feelings of despair, my sense of never being good enough, the increasing knowledge of his feeling that I am irresponsible and even lazy, yes, finally, after 20 years, I am willing to look truth in the face and see what really exists in our marriage and what is simply the fantasy of what I have wished to be true. 
But, I realize that I am in a unique position in comparison to others.  The fact that I own my home means that I have power, right?  Not really.  Power is only power if you are going to use it.  Particularly if you are going to use it against someone.  No, I don't want to punish nor harm.
What I really wonder is if it's possible to look at the truth, the honest truth about who each of us are, and find new paths.  I'm not sure.  I am a person who has always been full of hope.  But, frankly, I feel so beaten down and alone by the constant barrage of my inadequacies through the years, that I'm not sure that I'm interested in trying anymore. 
Biblically, I know that grace abounds and that I'm to be full of it.  And yet, I feel like I have spent years making excuses and covering bad behavior in the guise of being encouraging and showing grace.  I believe in forgiveness.  And new chances.  But what if the root is always the same?  Is there a way that grace and truth can be lived?  What if the behavior destroys who I am?  Should I be willing to do that in the name of grace? 
Honestly, I don't know.  But I am on a journey.  A journey to discover the strength of character and faith to walk in truth.....and grace.  I don't know the destination.  What I know is that choosing this walk is going to be life changing.  One way or the other.  It's scary.  I shake at the thought.  Wonder if I should crawl back and take up my position of pleaser and wait out the next 40 years. 
But I can't.  I was created to be free.  To live fully and abundantly.  And to do less is an affront to the God who made me.  Even if I try to point fingers.  I have to take responsibility for how I live this precious gift of life I have been given.  I am not a victim of life, I am a beneficiary of it. 
So, let's go.....it's going to be full of the unknown, but, adventures always are.
In Grace.