balance

Ok, I'm staying up much later than I intended, but that is because I am working on being peaceful.  On calm.  On getting rid of the knots and kinks and coldness that have overtaken me.  And you know what?  I can.  It's difficult.  Unnerving.  Painful.  Yet, possible.
And for that, I am happy.  My eyes hurt.  I wish that I had a car tomorrow.  Trapped.  Hate that.  But, overall, I am learning that even when I desperately needed something....like this day, my first day at home in a long long time....and when it doesn't happen.....I can do more than survive.  Well, at least, I can survive and then maybe, as time goes by, maybe I will be able to quit allowing it...him....to devastate me. 
I got his message that he's not as bad as some people.  Snort.  Stupid excuse.