Monday, October 17, 2011

Boundaries

I am learning that boundaries don't just have to do with what I want others to do or what I need/should do or not do with others.  Boundaries also include the things in life that I am comfortable doing.  That complement what I am about becoming.  Once upon a time I had a chiropractor that said that my pain was so bad because my body wouldn't/couldn't turn off because instead of resting, pulling back, taking it easy, recovering, I pushed ahead and worked through the pain.  Apparently that can really mess up the body.  I lost the sense of knowing when to stop.  That's a part of boundaries that I have to set for myself.  Part of that is my decision about where I'll work.  It's not that I am unable to go to any school and make a go of it.  It is simply that with so much on my mind and heart, it is an added stress that I do not need.  I have one school that I was requested by a woman for all of her sub jobs this year....after teaching with her at summer school.  I have another school where the teachers know me because I was their para last year.  And another school where I was also a para.  And, that's enough.  At least for now.  I'll try to get more jobs in those places, but when I don't have as much, I will enjoy taking the time to rest.  To enjoy my home.  To read.  To nap.  I know.  Decadent sounding.  Cleaning house also.  But, I simply need time.  I feel like an accident victim.  Weary.  Hard to get up.  Distracted.  Emotional.  And, I need to address that.  I need to set the boundaries for what I expect of myself.  Not perfection.  Not everything.  Just those things that grow me and help me to become the person I am supposed to be.  Not afraid to try new things, but not feeling that I must do so on every front.  I need the boundaries to protect myself from going back to simply trying to please.  I need them so that I can evaluate how I am doing.  I need them so that I can get better. 
grace to you.

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