headache

it has been a long while.  i am diligent about the things i know that cause my migraines.  but, i should have felt this one coming on this week.  thinking back....i knew.  i just didn't put it together.  too much else on my mind.  that was what pushed me over...the too much else.
so, i got up.  i'm doing my "routine."  the good thing is that it's a wake up call for me.  this stress IS destroyingme.  living in dread.  constantly knowing that i need to filter or curb what i feel, want or think.  i didn't used to do that in my life.  now it comes so normally.  and i am battling against it.  battling to be free.  the battle was won.  yet here i am.  still a soldier.  He fought for me so that i can fight now.  not with words or to win about an idea.  but so that life itself can be won.  lived.  freely.
a headache is not a good thing.  unless it serves as a reminder.  a wakeup.  what has been happening over the years might have been silent to everyone else.  unseen.  but, my body itself has known.  has rebelled.  and i need to listen and remember how to take care of it.
the stress level is high.  feel like i should get one of those fire danger signs.  except that fire has already broken out.
funny how the headache has reminded me and given me hope.  That i don'tneed or have to live like i have.  that there is something better.  and i can make it until then.  i've made it through many nights.  usually all on my own.
i'm going to be just fine.
grace.