Thursday, May 10, 2012

Just a glance....

I looked and saw, "half off denial services" on the inbox line in my email.  I really had to look again.  I mean, what are denial services?  Does it teach you to deny?  To live in denial?  Ok, so I read it again and it said "dental", not "denial."  Makes much more sense.
Of course, I spent a long time living in denial.  Working at making something there that wasn't.  Nurturing  something that I hoped for and longed for instead of actually seeing and coming to terms with what was.
And now, I am coming out of that.  Growing.  Seeing truth and dealing with it.  Not with anger and meanness, but with new choices.
I could have used some denial services over the years...to teach me what it is to walk in truth in a relationship.  Not that I was being untruthful, but that the relationship itself was not the same as the relationship I was trying to have.  I was in denial.  I wanted it.  I prayed for it.  I worked for it.  But finally....I had to see that it was a mirage.
No denying it.  No calling it something fancy.  It just didn't exist.  Not the good, kind, hopeful, supporting, nurturing relationship that I wanted to give all for.  It just wasn't there.  There was a relationship...but it was quite different.  And my behaving in a certain way wasn't changing it.  So, I need to change my behavior.  And I have.
Now...HE'S living in denial.  Pretending it was there. Hmmm....a little ironic.
blessings.

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