Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bullying

Some bullying is done in a passive way.  It involves denying acceptance or kindness or even love.  I was thinking about this today as I thought about the letter that my aunt wrote to me regarding my current circumstances.  She made a lot of assumptions.  She told me what I should do.  She gave advice.  She told me how I would feel about it.  She never asked me how I felt or what brought me to this place.  She never said that she'd be there for me.  She said that I had been their pride and joy.   Yet, if that were true, why doesn't she communicate with me except to tell me where I'm going wrong?  She tells me how wise I used to be but won't hear my reasoning in the now. 
And I wrote back and said that those things hurt me.  It has been two days and I haven't heard back at all.  So, like the first time she addressed the issue, she said her piece and when I didn't agree or do what she said, she ignored me. 
I wonder if she knows how saying sorry would help.  Or even simply loving unconditionally.  But, bullying by withdrawing because I won't go her way is simply hurtful.  Today I realized how much.  How I don't want to hear from her and yet I wish that she would wake up.  That she would be someone in my corner who knows that I wouldn't be in this place in life without a very good reason.....or a dozen. 
Anyway, there are lots of kinds of bullying.  And this one is as painful as the yelling kind.  Maybe moreso because there's no way to fight back. 
Instead, I must learn to live.  To pray.  To give.  To choose.  To be kind.  I must.  Because I know who I was made to be and Who I was made to follow. 
It's a long road, but it's a beautiful journey.
blessings.

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