Sunday, September 23, 2012

Wrong Turn

Sometimes I go home a back way from the church in order to miss the highway.  Typically, I go home on a main road that isn't the highway where I would have to take a left without the light.  Today, I was facing the other direction on the street and took "the back road".  My ex lives over there, but I always forget until I'm right on top of his place.  So, it distracted me.  Actually made me feel creepy.  And I came to the next intersection and turned right.  I took myself right to the highway I was trying to avoid because I was focused on something else...something that disturbed me.  I waited at the intersection for awhile.  At first, frustrated with myself.  Then, I turned right instead.  Made a loop.  Went BACK by my exes place.  But this time,  I was prepared for it.  I took the left.  Went down half a block and straight across to the road I needed.  When I knew that the emotional thing was there and wasn't surprised by it, I could function just fine.  It made me see how hard it was for me in life with him around.  Every decision.  Every thought.  Every movement.  But, now that I know how it affects me, now that I know what to expect, I can make better, smarter decisions.  And, sometimes, if I have to make a loop and come back around and try it again...that's ok.  It's part of re-learning how to live in a healthy way.
I'm going to be ok. 
Though....I've learned.....perhaps alone in this event..not in all events. 
blessings

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