loving where i am

i am also learning to love where i am.  how i am.  what is.  i don't have it together.  i can't control any of the people in my life and whether they will stay or go.  i can't even deal with whether or not they will be my genuine friend for good or simply passersby.  i can't make everything good.  i can't be less tired.  i can't work hard enough to make things happen.  but i can learn to be present.  i can love where i am, how i am and what i am.  i will figure it out a little bit at a time.
i want to love where i am.  day by day.  to treasure these moments.  some of the moments are pretty hard.  as a matter of fact, some of them are downright unbearable.
but i am learning. practicing.  i am giving it huge effort.  i am choosing to love my life.  i didn't end up in bed after he knocked on our door last night.  i decide to purposefully, intentionally, blow it off in my mind. 
i gave a lot of my life to that drama and arguing and troubled times.  i don't want to stay there.  i want to love life.  love god.  love.  be thankful.  be joyful.  i want to live a life that makes me proud.  and mostly...that makes god proud.  he made me to be me.
so..here's to loving where i am.
blessings.