Monday, August 5, 2013

Productive

Letting go of fear and wondering helps me to be more productive.  I WANT to make my home mine.  I want to enjoy it.  I want it clean.  Stressed that it's so hard to get kids to help KEEP it that way, but not in a bad way.  Mostly, I'm just happy to see myself making progress.
This morning I almost gave up.  Looked around my yard, garden, every room in my house.  I was so disheartened with all of the work I have done and how unkempt it looks.  But then I thought how much I've done in such a short time and it gave me hope.  Looking at the good.  Choosing each day.  Giving myself the grace and time and kudos that I would give others.  That's hard.  I want to do it all and do it now!
Ordering carpet.  Replacing the dishwasher.  Replaced the water heater.  Thinking of what to do about the fridge that has a broken ice maker.  Fix or sell and put the money towards a new fridge.  Scrubbing the cabinets and the baseboards.  Contemplating painting.  Soon.  
Life is very good.  Though I still get a sense of sad lonely and wondering of how I could ever have ended up being the one that people turned away from.  I wonder why I have to have bitch status when really, I'm not.  I will go out of my way for people.  But.....still, not outgoing and charming.  Socially lacking, I guess.  Oh well.  Not that social anyway.
blessings.

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