Sunday, July 6, 2014

pain management

for 15 years i've had severe pain.  nearly every day.  i live with it daily.  i work. i laugh.  i enjoy.  i used to take medications.  search for answers from the medical profession.  but finally, i came to sense that it is how life is.  no matter the reason.  and i began to try to take responsibility for managing my pain.  for living fully and without excuse.  i didn't want every thing that i didn't do to be based on the fact that i had a disease...or pain...or whatever.  this is my body.  this is my life.
but.
when i was married, i wasn't given time nor respect to do what i needed to do.  i was pushed harder and harder.  and just tonight, as i was working through exercises that i do to function.  not for a trim body, just the yoga like moves on the floor to make it so that my excruciating headaches don't dominate me.  and i realized that i have time to take care of me now.  and...even moreso....instead of feeling ashamed by it, i feel...strong.  i am doing something brave.  though nobody usually knows.  i am proud of me.  and tonight, i warded off the beast of pain again.  and i pray.  and i move.  and i stretch.  i don't give up.  i live.
i live.
so, i guess that i don't really manage pain so much as i manage life.
blessings.

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