Tonight I left my phone in the car. Rarely do that. I missed a call from my mother in law. Can't say that I'm not immensely relieved. Not because I wouldn't talk to her but because it would be so awkward. She called my son instead. I heard when I got home. I was relieved.
I went to my friend's house with another friend. My husband was there. Again, awkward. Should have called. Not that I couldn't go in....but, he's her friend too. I'm going to have to figure out how to be polite. Not make it awkward on my friends. It's hard. I don't seem to have the option to have any friends of my own right now.
And he "deared" me today. And that was hard again. I had picked up the frisbee that landed at my feet to give back to him as I walked by at the park for the grandson's bday. And he "deared" me.
But, I made it through the hour and a half. I was brave. I was polite.
I have decided who I will be. I can't help the chills I get. The shock I feel. The pain. The knowing that others don't get it...and that I'm not going to try to make them. So, I just have to wait it out.
I can't make the awkward times not happen. I can simply just try to make it through.
And I can't make the things that make me angry not happen. I just have to choose to live differently. To not engage. To remind myself of what matters.
I have to sleep. Just was a hard day. Wore me out emotionally. But I did it!!!
blessings.
I went to my friend's house with another friend. My husband was there. Again, awkward. Should have called. Not that I couldn't go in....but, he's her friend too. I'm going to have to figure out how to be polite. Not make it awkward on my friends. It's hard. I don't seem to have the option to have any friends of my own right now.
And he "deared" me today. And that was hard again. I had picked up the frisbee that landed at my feet to give back to him as I walked by at the park for the grandson's bday. And he "deared" me.
But, I made it through the hour and a half. I was brave. I was polite.
I have decided who I will be. I can't help the chills I get. The shock I feel. The pain. The knowing that others don't get it...and that I'm not going to try to make them. So, I just have to wait it out.
I can't make the awkward times not happen. I can simply just try to make it through.
And I can't make the things that make me angry not happen. I just have to choose to live differently. To not engage. To remind myself of what matters.
I have to sleep. Just was a hard day. Wore me out emotionally. But I did it!!!
blessings.
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