glorious day

i had a great day.  good times with my students.  success at home as far as dinner ready by putting in crockpot.  kitchen cleaned before i went to school.  bed made.  clean clothes.  today was assembly day and i had to speak to a crowd and i was blessedly calmer than usual.  i spoke with a parent that is a tough one and made progress.  i was successful in communicating goals to my teammates.  i was able to express my weaknesses.  i was up bright and early...520...bathed before school.  took care of my animals.  i was on time.  i did and participated in so many good things today.  i made people smile.  hugged people.  encouraged.  i took on responsibility.  i made at least three people laugh hard.  i. felt. proud.
i haven't often felt that way in the last years.  not for a long time.  just beginning to get there.  to soar a little bit.
but i crashed.
such a very splendid day.
flying.
wowed.
and a HARD day.
i had so much to do.  so many irons in the fire.
and i rocked it.
but.
i.
crashed.
i've spent the last half hour in tears
my face is burning from the salt.
my eyes are crusty.
because though i get it right in some places.....i get it wrong in others.
and it so very much frustrates. embarrasses.  humiliates. me.
i want to be just me.
relaxed.
silly.
laughing.
but sometimes.
i am just a pain in the ass.
and sometimes.
it's to the audience that i actually care about more.
and that is crushing.
but.
i took a breath.
let myself cry it out.
forgave myself.
and will start again.
that's all there is to do.
so i will.
but one day,
i'd like to not be the obnoxious one.
really.
i'd like it a whole lot.
blessings.
because still....
it was a glorious day.
tears and all.