this day

this day was a blessing.  i puttered.  laundry.  daughter's bathroom.  going slowly.  staying in.  today. .  this day.  being present.  being here.  enjoying it.  as just me.  though i had moments where i wished for something, something that would mean that i was remembered...needed....cherished....it wasn't long living.  not depressing. just noting that it's a different phase of life. a phase of life that demands that i learn to live no matter what others are doing or what they think of me.  it demands that i know that i am loved by god and that's enough.
today was good.  it was beautiful even.  aloneness in the midst of a busy world is a blessing to this introvert.
i realized that i'm able to work in the morning because i have to, but that i really do better when given time to get moving.  i like to just hang out and be still in the morning.  then, later, i am ready to accomplish. life in this stage doesn't work like that very often.  but, this weekend, it was lovely.  wonderful.  i have to shake the "lazy" words in my head from when i was married when i am goofing around in the morning and not getting things done.  i am getting something done...i'm resting my mind and heart.  i am being still.  i am recuperating from the constant giving and interacting.  and when i do so, i am ok.i am better.  i can function well.
this day...this weekend....has been lovely.
i missed my daughter.  i missed that i have no family to ring me up and that nobody else really does either.  but, really, i think that i was actually quite pleasantly content.  didn't have to do anything for anybody else.  just chill and rest.  nice.
i hope that you find how you work best and get that sometimes.  i also hope that you have an opportunity to face the alone square on when you wish that you had friends about.  it gives the gift of being truly thankful for time with friends and not simply dependent.  it's pretty amazing.
blessings.