There's this man that I've met online. I know..cliche...totally not me. And, I don't want to date. You don't understand...I DON'T want to date..nor remarry. I am so very happy. I am gloriously, freely....happy. But, it has been nice to chat with someone. Except, we don't "chat". We actually speak about really deep things. We talk about what we did wrong in marriage. We talk about where we are as parents in the present. We talk about hopes and dreams. We talk about a lot. He's open and vulnerable. He not only reads what I write, but he......interacts with it. He pulls out parts and asks what I mean by that. He asks about my dreams and gives them more substance by giving them notice. He is content with us being online friends. And maybe, eventually friends in real life. Friends. He laughed when I reiterated that that is where I am just to be sure that after sharing so much he wouldn't be hurt by my still being....a friend. He got it. He gets that I am happy and not willing to upset that, but he also gets that my kids don't need that right now...or maybe ever. I don't know.
I know that my daughter isn't ready. She and I can talk about that. Her dad has moved forward and it bothers her in some way. I think that it's because he didn't work on fixing what was up with this family first. I think that it's like he moved on. He simply played the victim and then....moved on. But there was no healing. No communication. I'm sure that they'll figure it out eventually. But, since that is the case, I need to be as stable as possible. I need to be where they can lean. And that's ok. It's my pleasure.
I enjoy the dialogue. But I also have boundaries. I stated exactly what I need...even knowing that it might mean that he didn't want to communicate. But, strangely, he did. We have told each other the craziest things the deepest things and sometimes we are sure that the other will go...enough. But, so far, so good.
It's nice to have someone ask about things. It's nice to have someone want to bother.
It's nice to have someone who takes the time to thoughtfully respond when I risk. It has been a long time since anyone spent the time talking to me. Asking questions. Being interested.
It might only be for a season. But it's good training for remaining open and authentic.
blessings.
I know that my daughter isn't ready. She and I can talk about that. Her dad has moved forward and it bothers her in some way. I think that it's because he didn't work on fixing what was up with this family first. I think that it's like he moved on. He simply played the victim and then....moved on. But there was no healing. No communication. I'm sure that they'll figure it out eventually. But, since that is the case, I need to be as stable as possible. I need to be where they can lean. And that's ok. It's my pleasure.
I enjoy the dialogue. But I also have boundaries. I stated exactly what I need...even knowing that it might mean that he didn't want to communicate. But, strangely, he did. We have told each other the craziest things the deepest things and sometimes we are sure that the other will go...enough. But, so far, so good.
It's nice to have someone ask about things. It's nice to have someone want to bother.
It's nice to have someone who takes the time to thoughtfully respond when I risk. It has been a long time since anyone spent the time talking to me. Asking questions. Being interested.
It might only be for a season. But it's good training for remaining open and authentic.
blessings.
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