beginnings...and endings....and beginnings

the ebb and flow.  the constant movement.  the human experience.  i have had a person to "talk" to on the internet.  it's lovely.  we don't want to date....except, he does.  he wants more.  and i can't.  won't.  i had to say again that i didn't want that....that i am not sure when i ever will.  i had to say that meeting and being together would be a problem.  i'm tactile.  touch.  he had said that he wasn't sure what he would do with touch after so many years.  i can't live with the constant monitoring of my self and actions and what it is "saying".

but the thing is...i like him.  i like his mind.  i like his thoughts.  i like his depth.  i'm just not ready to be a we.  i need to be a me.

so,i let him know that i got that he wanted to date others etc.  but...he views it a relationship.  he couldn't do a friendship of such depth and go date someone else.

i can't figure it out.  i'll miss him if he disappears, but i will not be comfortable enough to make an us.  my kids are not fragile, but we are enjoying one another.  my ex is moving someone else here to town.  my kids are uncomfortable...mostly because he's seeking some kind of blessing and they shouldn't have to answer that for him.  he should know what he wants and tell them..tell them what he is doing.

anyway...beginnings...endings...beginnings...endings...beginnings.....life.

i know it's the right choice for me...i'm happy.

but it was fun.

blessings.