i get it

went to church last sunday.  i went to my old church.  a friend invited me.  she didn't know how much it meant.  of course, i got there and the theme was love and commitment...romans12.  it was fine.  much more than fine.  my ex sat across the aisle only two people separating us.  he came in after me.  i felt myself tense...for a moment.  the preaching was a little hard because of the topic...at first.  but then, as he began going through paul's "fleshing out" of jesus' commandment to love one another, he pointed out that the first thing is that love must be sincere.  and, so i realized that the "love" of our marriage had not been sincere.  hit me like a brick.  then, at the end it said not to be afraid to hang out with those who are different and then after that, don't be arrogant.  as in, when you deign to give someone your time, don't make them feel like you were doing them a favor.  my heart healed.  i saw how things had been.  i saw.  i understood.  and i was there and brave.  so.....life was better.  so much better.  somehow, it was great.
and then, i wrote to my online guy friend and told him how i was freed.  how i finally felt a sense of being free.  and my online guy friend...celebrated.  he worshiped.  he said that it improved his day.  he sang a song online.  he let me know that the angels were rejoicing and that god was so happy that i finally understood my freedom.  he was so....supportive.

i get it.  i get how much my life has changed.

but what i really get is how much i have changed.  completely.

and it is good.

free.

really.

blessings.