All good clearing begins from the inside out.
I have spent a lot of years putting things in bins, labeling bins, stacking bins in closets, moving bins. Much of the stuff that went into the bins went without much thought. It went with the "I have to get this out of the way attitude." Much the same in my emotional life. My personal life. My relationship life.
I put away the things that hurt. I put away the things that were too difficult to face. I put away the mess. And I closed the door to the closet and walked away to live my life. I've done a good job. I am truly happy. But now, I am happy enough to empty the closets, open the bins, hold each thing in my hand and let go of what needs to go.
Stuff? Yes, I have touched a lot of stuff these last weeks. Eighteen boxes from my bedroom alone have been taken to the Goodwill. But during this process, it has allowed me to touch the relational things too. It has allowed me to hold the feelings, hurts, hopes and disappointments in my hands, turn them over and look at them and say goodbye or see you later to the ones that need to take a deep breath and love deeply. It has allowed me time to process the huge change of life that is upcoming with my kids moving on.
From the inside. Inside the closets, inside the bins. Inside my heart, inside my mind.
And the clearing is freeing. I breathe better. I struggle some. It's a process that I"m pretty much alone in. But that's ok. I'm not lonely in it. Sometimes the processing is difficult. Taking responsibility. Giving up responsibility where it isn't mine to hold. Separating. Without shame. No attachment or calling it bad or wrong. Just simply examining, being aware of how it makes me feel and asking why. When I figure out each why, I know what to do with the thing....or the relationship.
I have allowed myself to be treated poorly often. To be taken for granted. To be overlooked. To be used. And that is ok to do by choice. But it is not ok for it to be the assumption of people. Not ok. And that isn't on me. With some people, I couldn't ever do enough, be enough, give enough.......well, they liked the giving, but apparently didn't like me....just the benefits of me. And looking at that was especially freeing. To not be angry, not be frustrated nor bitter. Simply, to acknowledge the truth, see my part in it and then......just release it all. So easy sounding. So hard. So beautiful.
Inside out. My insides are being cleared out just as my closets and home are. Space is being freed up for what is truly important. And that is good. Very good.
Ever so often, shame creeps up while my mess sits around awaiting the sorting. But then I remember......it's not a competition. I don't need to be impressive. I can take as long as I need to. As long as I need. Nobody else's timeline.
Joy wells up. Peace continues to grow.
Thanks be to God for His kindness to me. Truly. Not some churchy thing, but genuine heart filling thanks. FILLING. Completely. Satisfying.
Ha, Who knew that as I emptied I would be filled?
blessings.
I have spent a lot of years putting things in bins, labeling bins, stacking bins in closets, moving bins. Much of the stuff that went into the bins went without much thought. It went with the "I have to get this out of the way attitude." Much the same in my emotional life. My personal life. My relationship life.
I put away the things that hurt. I put away the things that were too difficult to face. I put away the mess. And I closed the door to the closet and walked away to live my life. I've done a good job. I am truly happy. But now, I am happy enough to empty the closets, open the bins, hold each thing in my hand and let go of what needs to go.
Stuff? Yes, I have touched a lot of stuff these last weeks. Eighteen boxes from my bedroom alone have been taken to the Goodwill. But during this process, it has allowed me to touch the relational things too. It has allowed me to hold the feelings, hurts, hopes and disappointments in my hands, turn them over and look at them and say goodbye or see you later to the ones that need to take a deep breath and love deeply. It has allowed me time to process the huge change of life that is upcoming with my kids moving on.
From the inside. Inside the closets, inside the bins. Inside my heart, inside my mind.
And the clearing is freeing. I breathe better. I struggle some. It's a process that I"m pretty much alone in. But that's ok. I'm not lonely in it. Sometimes the processing is difficult. Taking responsibility. Giving up responsibility where it isn't mine to hold. Separating. Without shame. No attachment or calling it bad or wrong. Just simply examining, being aware of how it makes me feel and asking why. When I figure out each why, I know what to do with the thing....or the relationship.
I have allowed myself to be treated poorly often. To be taken for granted. To be overlooked. To be used. And that is ok to do by choice. But it is not ok for it to be the assumption of people. Not ok. And that isn't on me. With some people, I couldn't ever do enough, be enough, give enough.......well, they liked the giving, but apparently didn't like me....just the benefits of me. And looking at that was especially freeing. To not be angry, not be frustrated nor bitter. Simply, to acknowledge the truth, see my part in it and then......just release it all. So easy sounding. So hard. So beautiful.
Inside out. My insides are being cleared out just as my closets and home are. Space is being freed up for what is truly important. And that is good. Very good.
Ever so often, shame creeps up while my mess sits around awaiting the sorting. But then I remember......it's not a competition. I don't need to be impressive. I can take as long as I need to. As long as I need. Nobody else's timeline.
Joy wells up. Peace continues to grow.
Thanks be to God for His kindness to me. Truly. Not some churchy thing, but genuine heart filling thanks. FILLING. Completely. Satisfying.
Ha, Who knew that as I emptied I would be filled?
blessings.
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