life shift

the last months have been full of ....well, of just about everything. the loss stands out as immense.  and yet, that's not the sum total.  there has been growth.  depth.

there has been a shift in me.

and it took a long time to come.

though i was "free" from my ex, i found myself doing things to prove to myself that i was indeed free.  and finally i'm really free.  no more proving necessary.  now i have to fix some of the less than good decisions that i made during that time. debt.  weight gain.  laziness.

but finally...there's no resentment or being forced.  i am content to take the steps one at a time to get where i need to be.  no blame.  no shame.  just.......shifting.  moving my focus.  choosing more carefully for me.

and it's a very hard time.  crushing in some ways. but it is gloriously crushing.  like wine from grapes.  good is coming.  and i revel in the gift i have found again of god's love.  of peace.  of heartfelt joy.  of true relationships.  genuine.

shifting into place.  it feels good.  it feels like...........being me.  it has been a long time coming.  what a blessing in the midst of all of the struggles.