I have learned that people don't always do what you hope or dream or desire. People are....people. They make their own choices, have their own agendas and carry their own smelly baggage.
My ex is interesting to me. I look at him so much differently now that I don't have to make a life with him. I can ask him for things without feeling badly if he says no, says nothing, asks silly questions, tries to make me feel inferior. I don't feel inferior. I don't really care if he answers me. I certainly have no control over him saying yes or no to anything I ask. So, while I used to be terrified to ask him things because he was not very kind, because I was "supposed" to keep him happy, because....well, frankly, it always felt like what he needed or wanted was more important....I am no longer scared. I also don't have expectations.
And with friends, it's the same. They can show up. GREAT. And they can bail or simply say no. That's ok too. I'm pretty happy with my own company. I also know how to set boundaries within myself so that I am not devastated by letting their behavior determine my mood or happiness. Again, I've learned that expectations are dangerous.
However, though I've learned that some kinds of expectations are a recipe for unhappiness, I've also learned that I have the right to expect to be treated a certain way. I have a right to be communicated with kindly. I have a right to expect that I will be treated with respect by those who are close to me. I have a right to choose who will be close to me by whether they choose to value me.
I have learned so very much.
And it means that I am able to ask more things. Able to put out there what is important to me......even if it is not done.
And I have learned that the deep kindnesses often come from people that I least expect it.
Like the dinner that was provided for my family today out of the blue by a colleague who was giddy to have done it. So great. So wonderful. So beyond what I could ever have asked or expected.
Such a God thing to have been given. He blesses through unique sources.
I have learned that I am cared for. Beloved. Cherished.
I have learned that I can rest in that and let the anxiety and worry over what someone might or might not do or say.........go.
I have learned. And it is lovely. Simply lovely.
I have an amazing life.
blessings.
My ex is interesting to me. I look at him so much differently now that I don't have to make a life with him. I can ask him for things without feeling badly if he says no, says nothing, asks silly questions, tries to make me feel inferior. I don't feel inferior. I don't really care if he answers me. I certainly have no control over him saying yes or no to anything I ask. So, while I used to be terrified to ask him things because he was not very kind, because I was "supposed" to keep him happy, because....well, frankly, it always felt like what he needed or wanted was more important....I am no longer scared. I also don't have expectations.
And with friends, it's the same. They can show up. GREAT. And they can bail or simply say no. That's ok too. I'm pretty happy with my own company. I also know how to set boundaries within myself so that I am not devastated by letting their behavior determine my mood or happiness. Again, I've learned that expectations are dangerous.
However, though I've learned that some kinds of expectations are a recipe for unhappiness, I've also learned that I have the right to expect to be treated a certain way. I have a right to be communicated with kindly. I have a right to expect that I will be treated with respect by those who are close to me. I have a right to choose who will be close to me by whether they choose to value me.
I have learned so very much.
And it means that I am able to ask more things. Able to put out there what is important to me......even if it is not done.
And I have learned that the deep kindnesses often come from people that I least expect it.
Like the dinner that was provided for my family today out of the blue by a colleague who was giddy to have done it. So great. So wonderful. So beyond what I could ever have asked or expected.
Such a God thing to have been given. He blesses through unique sources.
I have learned that I am cared for. Beloved. Cherished.
I have learned that I can rest in that and let the anxiety and worry over what someone might or might not do or say.........go.
I have learned. And it is lovely. Simply lovely.
I have an amazing life.
blessings.
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