i go kicking and screaming as far as some changes go. i love my traditions. i love relying on some things staying the same.
this year's vacation planning has knocked me out of my comfort zone. i got the house. i thought i knew who would go. i didn't. i was clueless. it wasn't in my power or control. so, i let go. i allowed it to be the possibility of only being my daughter and i. a house rented...for 16...and nobody. no one. then, a friend could go. then, a son. then, two more sons. then one son was out. then another son was out. then one son was back in. the family that we have traveled with for over a decade was an out. four. small group. then son back in. with girlfriend. then, another friend. then, two grandkids. there are now nine of us going. not all i hoped. i have lots of people i love. but, still, god has worked it all out.
but i had to allow change. i had to take a breath and know that it was all going to be ok. i had to give myself permission to both be sad and to be happy that i was going regardless of whether others were going. it has been quite a journey.
allow.
change.
because really, we don't have any choice. and the stress and pain come more from fighting the change than from the change itself.
i love my friends.
i wish that i could pack them up and take them with me.
i wish that jobs and college and summer school and commitments didn't keep us from being together. i love the time together. i love the memories. i love taking the time to value people in my life so that i can have no regrets. none.
i want to live
i want to engage.
i want to risk.
i want to be with the people i love.
but i also want to adapt
when people can't
or won't
or choose not to
i still want to be happy.
and i'm learning.
but it doesn't mean that i don't miss.
it just means that i look for the blessing in what is while i mourn what there could have been. and i enjoy the blessing.
taking grandkids on this trip.
going to be fun. and tiring. that's ok. the joy of seeing them see the ocean for the first time? awesome.
four seats left in our cars.....wonder if anyone else will join up.
this year's vacation planning has knocked me out of my comfort zone. i got the house. i thought i knew who would go. i didn't. i was clueless. it wasn't in my power or control. so, i let go. i allowed it to be the possibility of only being my daughter and i. a house rented...for 16...and nobody. no one. then, a friend could go. then, a son. then, two more sons. then one son was out. then another son was out. then one son was back in. the family that we have traveled with for over a decade was an out. four. small group. then son back in. with girlfriend. then, another friend. then, two grandkids. there are now nine of us going. not all i hoped. i have lots of people i love. but, still, god has worked it all out.
but i had to allow change. i had to take a breath and know that it was all going to be ok. i had to give myself permission to both be sad and to be happy that i was going regardless of whether others were going. it has been quite a journey.
allow.
change.
because really, we don't have any choice. and the stress and pain come more from fighting the change than from the change itself.
i love my friends.
i wish that i could pack them up and take them with me.
i wish that jobs and college and summer school and commitments didn't keep us from being together. i love the time together. i love the memories. i love taking the time to value people in my life so that i can have no regrets. none.
i want to live
i want to engage.
i want to risk.
i want to be with the people i love.
but i also want to adapt
when people can't
or won't
or choose not to
i still want to be happy.
and i'm learning.
but it doesn't mean that i don't miss.
it just means that i look for the blessing in what is while i mourn what there could have been. and i enjoy the blessing.
taking grandkids on this trip.
going to be fun. and tiring. that's ok. the joy of seeing them see the ocean for the first time? awesome.
four seats left in our cars.....wonder if anyone else will join up.
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