today there is a super bowl party. my ex has found a family that he suddenly spends time with because they have a house and will invite him...and all of the kids...and grandkids...and will provide food....and it costs him nothing. not the time to set up. nothing. not the rent for a place that could accommodate his family. nothing. it used to be odd to me that people treat him so sweetly and do so much for him and feel sorry for him. then, i realized....i was them. i did that for years. i felt sorry for him. i tried to make things better for him. he sets himself up to be needy. to need to be taken care of. all while seeming so charming. but he doesn't give back. it's not an adult relationship. he doesn't get it.
so, for awhile today, i ached. all of the kids are going to this party. and grandkids. and girlfriend. and friends. sigh. do you know that they have not invited me to one thing...ok, a graduation party that i was invited to by their daughter...since my separation began TWO YEARS ago. they invited all of us to easter that year two years ago.
and he uses our friends. they are used to be the abuse that he can no longer inflict in person. he used to interfere and be jealous of my friendships. now, he uses them to "punish" me. because he knows that i love them. that i would care.
but, as it turns out, i have a choice. so i have decided to wish all well and enjoy my day and enjoy the other times that i get with the kids..the doesn't have to be a special occasion times. that's ok. that's even nicer. no battle over who is together. i just love my kids. i don't need them to be there at certain times. i don't need to make a point. i've made arrangements to do something different for my grandson's birthday.
i get to choose. i get to be happy. it's not a game or some way to impress. it's a lifestyle. a lifestyle that brings me joy. and peace. i choose happy. even when others work to make it hard. how sad to be him. or them.
blessings.
so, for awhile today, i ached. all of the kids are going to this party. and grandkids. and girlfriend. and friends. sigh. do you know that they have not invited me to one thing...ok, a graduation party that i was invited to by their daughter...since my separation began TWO YEARS ago. they invited all of us to easter that year two years ago.
and he uses our friends. they are used to be the abuse that he can no longer inflict in person. he used to interfere and be jealous of my friendships. now, he uses them to "punish" me. because he knows that i love them. that i would care.
but, as it turns out, i have a choice. so i have decided to wish all well and enjoy my day and enjoy the other times that i get with the kids..the doesn't have to be a special occasion times. that's ok. that's even nicer. no battle over who is together. i just love my kids. i don't need them to be there at certain times. i don't need to make a point. i've made arrangements to do something different for my grandson's birthday.
i get to choose. i get to be happy. it's not a game or some way to impress. it's a lifestyle. a lifestyle that brings me joy. and peace. i choose happy. even when others work to make it hard. how sad to be him. or them.
blessings.
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