well. wow. tonight was enlightening. my dear son that is home with me has been hating his job more and more. i thought that it was just because he works alone and it's really hard work. but earlier in the week he started saying how his boss just keeps telling him what he's doing wrong. he was stressed. i reminded him that he only had to make it another week. he was also stressed because his boss doesn't let him know what his week looks like ahead of time. he was feeling taken for granted. he had to work two nights until after 8. he put in 10-12 hour days. and he gets overtime, but the point he was trying to make is that he could have plans and that it's not thoughtful. and that was his beginning of talking. i heard him. i encouraged him. i let him know that i'm proud of how he's handling it. but, i could tell that what he was talking about was the "test" conversation. i notice that young men do that. they test to see if you are hearing them. listening. if you care. i've done it wrong a few times, so i've learned to be more attuned to it.
tonight came the real conversation. we went and got chick fil a...we had both worked all day and it's only the two of us, so hey, we splurged. :) this morning he had thrown out that he thought his boss only hired him to get information about our family. then he went to work. got out of the car and we didn't see each other for over nine hours. and then i pick him up and we are driving. i get up the courage to say that if his boss is asking about my failed marriage or things like that then my son can freely defer hard questions to me. and i say that if his boss is still talking about his dad and what he should be doing and it is making him uncomfortable then he can say that it makes him uncomfortable. and i say that if it really troubles him how his boss speaks to him about his lack of performance then he can say that he does better when someone tells him what he is doing right and he says, " i wish you would have told me this a long time ago." i cracked up. apparently he thought that because i knew the man that hired him that he was supposed to play along. it really stressed him. he has been asked why his parents are divorced. about family friends and their roles in our lives. about his dad. he was told, as was i, that the man didn't really know or talk to his dad. then, the day after he got home from camping and went back to work, he hears from his boss that my son's friend's mom called my ex while the boys were camping to let him know where they were. he heard about the conversation from his boss who was talking to his dad. "not the kind of conversation you have with someone you don't know, "he says. i nod and agree fully. i say, "did you tell him that your mom who you live with knew where you were going and when you would be home?" he didn't. he was too surprised. he feels like because his boss is a christian, he is trying to insert himself and tell him what to do. "he doesn't even hear me, he just keeps telling me how dad will feel in the future when i have kids and stuff, like i'm worried about that today." ha. he is a nice kid. he doesn't plan on shutting his dad out of his wedding. but he said he probably wouldn't be having him over and "stuff". that could change. he doesn't need to be pushed. the spirit of god will work in him. he's young. he's willing.
but it's another christian man that has made him feel like he doesn't measure up. who has put down instead of building up. and he is disappointed in christians. not in christ. but in the followers. "makes you see why people don't like christians." made my heart so sad. but we got to talk. and remember who christ is. and what grace is. but still.....what a loss. what a tragedy. where are the encouraging, loving, uplifting men of god? my boys have needed them desperately. instead they get nosy and nitpicky.
then, my kids in texas were taken to a casino. to gamble. and it concerns me. why in the world? they can wait until they are 21. and, as my son here at home pointed out...his one brother has a propensity for gambling and didn't need to be taken when he was 17 years old. i guess that is why it's still bothering me. just nagging at my soul. probably because i'm the one who has to parent. and i'm the one that has to say no to things. and i'm the one who has to be the bad guy and say that some things aren't supposed to be done. they were breaking the law. it was also sad.
my daughter has been texting a lot. i think that she wants to come home. something is stressing her. i hope that they don't talk badly about me....at least not in front of the kids.....because my kids will be hurt by that.
wow. been a really good week, but these little things have kind of given me heartache.
good news? my son is proud of how i let him do grown up things. his friend's mom called his dad, called the kids up camping numerous times, chewed them out for not answering....no cell coverage...and made them feel unable. i gave specific directions about things they must do and let them go figure the rest out. he called me....he asked for information. i gave him respect. that was a good thing. he'll be 20 in november. he's not a child. he's smart. some things he doesn't know, but if i release him, he will ask. yep. i done good.
blessings.
tonight came the real conversation. we went and got chick fil a...we had both worked all day and it's only the two of us, so hey, we splurged. :) this morning he had thrown out that he thought his boss only hired him to get information about our family. then he went to work. got out of the car and we didn't see each other for over nine hours. and then i pick him up and we are driving. i get up the courage to say that if his boss is asking about my failed marriage or things like that then my son can freely defer hard questions to me. and i say that if his boss is still talking about his dad and what he should be doing and it is making him uncomfortable then he can say that it makes him uncomfortable. and i say that if it really troubles him how his boss speaks to him about his lack of performance then he can say that he does better when someone tells him what he is doing right and he says, " i wish you would have told me this a long time ago." i cracked up. apparently he thought that because i knew the man that hired him that he was supposed to play along. it really stressed him. he has been asked why his parents are divorced. about family friends and their roles in our lives. about his dad. he was told, as was i, that the man didn't really know or talk to his dad. then, the day after he got home from camping and went back to work, he hears from his boss that my son's friend's mom called my ex while the boys were camping to let him know where they were. he heard about the conversation from his boss who was talking to his dad. "not the kind of conversation you have with someone you don't know, "he says. i nod and agree fully. i say, "did you tell him that your mom who you live with knew where you were going and when you would be home?" he didn't. he was too surprised. he feels like because his boss is a christian, he is trying to insert himself and tell him what to do. "he doesn't even hear me, he just keeps telling me how dad will feel in the future when i have kids and stuff, like i'm worried about that today." ha. he is a nice kid. he doesn't plan on shutting his dad out of his wedding. but he said he probably wouldn't be having him over and "stuff". that could change. he doesn't need to be pushed. the spirit of god will work in him. he's young. he's willing.
but it's another christian man that has made him feel like he doesn't measure up. who has put down instead of building up. and he is disappointed in christians. not in christ. but in the followers. "makes you see why people don't like christians." made my heart so sad. but we got to talk. and remember who christ is. and what grace is. but still.....what a loss. what a tragedy. where are the encouraging, loving, uplifting men of god? my boys have needed them desperately. instead they get nosy and nitpicky.
then, my kids in texas were taken to a casino. to gamble. and it concerns me. why in the world? they can wait until they are 21. and, as my son here at home pointed out...his one brother has a propensity for gambling and didn't need to be taken when he was 17 years old. i guess that is why it's still bothering me. just nagging at my soul. probably because i'm the one who has to parent. and i'm the one that has to say no to things. and i'm the one who has to be the bad guy and say that some things aren't supposed to be done. they were breaking the law. it was also sad.
my daughter has been texting a lot. i think that she wants to come home. something is stressing her. i hope that they don't talk badly about me....at least not in front of the kids.....because my kids will be hurt by that.
wow. been a really good week, but these little things have kind of given me heartache.
good news? my son is proud of how i let him do grown up things. his friend's mom called his dad, called the kids up camping numerous times, chewed them out for not answering....no cell coverage...and made them feel unable. i gave specific directions about things they must do and let them go figure the rest out. he called me....he asked for information. i gave him respect. that was a good thing. he'll be 20 in november. he's not a child. he's smart. some things he doesn't know, but if i release him, he will ask. yep. i done good.
blessings.
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