i smile as i see how my grown kids are "like me". one took a nice long drive to think. one is writing a letter to her dad...that she doesn't intend to send....to get out her feelings. and i saw how it helped him. and i saw how it helped her. and...i saw me.
today was really a tough one. my ex is a jackass. he has no clue. no idea. no sense of what it takes to be a parent. how the hell can he not have a clue after 23 years of being a father? how can he not see them? how can he not see how it destroyed my daughter when he just said, "i have a date" when they got off of a plane in tx? no head's up. no clue. no opportunity to talk it over. extended family. no privacy. no consideration. none.
my daughter has bawled. absolutely cried her eyes out. she has trouble showing her anger and it kills me. i push her to it. poke at it a little bit.eventually,i can get her to say what she feels. but it's hard on us. makes me the "bad" guy. but, it's like lancing the puss from the wound. it has to come out. but, dammit, he keeps opening it up and reinfecting it. she just starts to heal and there's a new thing. i wish that he would just man up and say it all at once, out loud to all of his kids. tell them point blank that he loves someone and wants to make a life. i even feel sorry for the woman. i mean, how weird that he never just says aloud to his kids what's what.
wrote to my daughter. i love her. it's not enough. i pray for her. it won't fix it all. but, i'll stay. i'll let her be mad at me. i'll even encourage it. i will help her fight the depression. i'll try. i'll stay. i'll be honest. i'll admit my foibles. i will take responsibility. i will grieve for her loss of never getting to be her daddy's little princess.
rough day.
today was really a tough one. my ex is a jackass. he has no clue. no idea. no sense of what it takes to be a parent. how the hell can he not have a clue after 23 years of being a father? how can he not see them? how can he not see how it destroyed my daughter when he just said, "i have a date" when they got off of a plane in tx? no head's up. no clue. no opportunity to talk it over. extended family. no privacy. no consideration. none.
my daughter has bawled. absolutely cried her eyes out. she has trouble showing her anger and it kills me. i push her to it. poke at it a little bit.eventually,i can get her to say what she feels. but it's hard on us. makes me the "bad" guy. but, it's like lancing the puss from the wound. it has to come out. but, dammit, he keeps opening it up and reinfecting it. she just starts to heal and there's a new thing. i wish that he would just man up and say it all at once, out loud to all of his kids. tell them point blank that he loves someone and wants to make a life. i even feel sorry for the woman. i mean, how weird that he never just says aloud to his kids what's what.
wrote to my daughter. i love her. it's not enough. i pray for her. it won't fix it all. but, i'll stay. i'll let her be mad at me. i'll even encourage it. i will help her fight the depression. i'll try. i'll stay. i'll be honest. i'll admit my foibles. i will take responsibility. i will grieve for her loss of never getting to be her daddy's little princess.
rough day.
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