post traumatic stress

someone postulated awhile back that perhaps i was suffering from ppsd.  i didn't think so.  yet.  today. i have to say that the stress from the past trauma was definitely what was kicking my butt.  it's like ever so often i am pushed to deal with it a little bit more.  and today was one of those days.  sad when your "demon" is your husband...or ex husband.  painful too.  especially since everyone that is around doesn't know.  they don't know the things he did or didn't do.  they don't know how he had a way of making me feel....like....less.  still does.  how he won't decide things so that he can blame.  i've had a letter from my pastor and from someone who used to be a friend.  awkward at best.  he had gone to talk to the pastor.  told the pastor it would be fine for him to call me.  but...alas...phone number was disconnected.
but i made it through this day.  my head rather aches.  i am tired beyond words.  it's hard work fighting through the crap.  but i am here.  i love.  i give.  i grow.  i learn.  and i will never put myself in that position again.
i keep thinking that it's done...but my emotions aren't done yet.  they have to do their own thing in their own time.  but i'm making it.  a bit at a time.
blessings.