a very good day

nothing is new.  nothing is different.  just renewed my focus....again.  sometimes, moping time is necessary.  it needs to be done.  because it's real.  it's sincere.  it's where i am.  i don't need to fake it.  i don't need to try harder.  i need to learn to wait through it.  to soak in the hurt.  to allow it to make the changes in me that it needs to make.  because god doesn't allow anything unnecessary into my life.  and even when i've made a "bad" decision, he uses it for good.  though it can be quite painful at times.  and even when i make a "good" decision, the results can be completely different than what i had in mind.  so, the learning is this: no matter what i do, no matter where i am, no matter how i feel or what i think....he is big enough, powerful enough, loving enough, kind enough, strong enough, gentle enough, present enough.....to make good on all of his promises.  every last one.  every moment.  of every day.  forever.  and that is what i have to learn when i am hurting beyond words.  that even in that hurt, there is god.  there is good.  right where i am.  because.....he is there too.  and his deepest longing is to comfort me.  not to change everything, but to change my perspective.  so that in all things, i can see his good.
and...very slowly....i am remembering.  i am hearing.  i am living as i was meant to live...in harmony with him.  at rest in him.  held.  cherished.  led.  peaceful.
but i falter.  start to look at those waves instead of at him.  but it's ok.  he understands what it is to be afraid.  he understands what it is to grieve.  and he will be enough.
and i am thankful for the very good day.  a day like any other.  except for my heart.  because i once again glimpsed his greatness.  and it is good.  very good.
blessings.