I have been busy. Lots of thinking. Lots of working. Lots of praying. Busy with learning how to live. Learning how to like what I like and do something with it. For me. Because I like it. What do I like?
That question has baffled me this last year.
I know what I like. But I stuff it down. I make it not important. I got so used to just making do.
I even found a hairstylist that I loved...and found out today that she is gone from my salon. Sigh.
But the idea of learning what I like. And how I picture things. And how it's not wrong to want things that make me happy. Or seem pretty to me.
I like old stuff with a somewhat urban flair. A mixture of old and new. I like metal. A lot. And flowers. Together. I like lace. Though I have little. I like billowing curtain. Open windows. I like fresh air. I like bright sunny rooms. I like this really specific pallet of colors, but have not yet achieved it.
I like eating outside in the coolness. But not if it's sweltering. I like music some of the time, but I also need quiet to reboot.
I like growing things. Winding paths. Of all different materials. Hidden spots.
I like gazebo areas. Covered porches. Hammocks. Down pillows. Soft blankies.
I like big ol trees.
I like breakfast late with runny eggs and fried taters. Coffee. Juice.
I like fresh raspberries. Fresh whipped cream. I like my best friend's frosting. By the spoonful. I like my juice smoothies. And Noosa yogurt.
I like electronics. Connecting and yet not being confined to small talk. Helps me.
I like to work. But not living to work....working to live. And enjoying the time when I carve out free time.
I like to travel. And dream about traveling. I want to do more. Girl's trips. Me trips. Kid trips. It's important to me. Makes me smile.
I like smiling. Letting go of worry.
I like having a good attitude.
I like rusty old things mixed in with new, modern things. White cupboards. I like using things for unusual purposes.
i like arbors.
inlets.
coves.
little places.
Yes, I am learning to give voice....even if just to myself...to things that I've liked for a long time. Learning to say yes to it. To work towards making and doing some of the things for me....very unusual. My ex didn't accommodate the things that were important to me. They were generally considered frivolous. My life was made to feel trivial.
Trivialized. That is how I felt and how I lived for over two decades.
Yet, I tried so hard to make a good marriage. To improve it. To make good choices. To let go of everything that got in the way. Turned out that who I was was in the way. Sad.
Takes a long time to let those likes out to play. But I'm trying. I'm in the picturing it stage. I'll get there.
I have a feeling it is going to be quite an amazing ride when I finally take off!!
blessings.
That question has baffled me this last year.
I know what I like. But I stuff it down. I make it not important. I got so used to just making do.
I even found a hairstylist that I loved...and found out today that she is gone from my salon. Sigh.
But the idea of learning what I like. And how I picture things. And how it's not wrong to want things that make me happy. Or seem pretty to me.
I like old stuff with a somewhat urban flair. A mixture of old and new. I like metal. A lot. And flowers. Together. I like lace. Though I have little. I like billowing curtain. Open windows. I like fresh air. I like bright sunny rooms. I like this really specific pallet of colors, but have not yet achieved it.
I like eating outside in the coolness. But not if it's sweltering. I like music some of the time, but I also need quiet to reboot.
I like growing things. Winding paths. Of all different materials. Hidden spots.
I like gazebo areas. Covered porches. Hammocks. Down pillows. Soft blankies.
I like big ol trees.
I like breakfast late with runny eggs and fried taters. Coffee. Juice.
I like fresh raspberries. Fresh whipped cream. I like my best friend's frosting. By the spoonful. I like my juice smoothies. And Noosa yogurt.
I like electronics. Connecting and yet not being confined to small talk. Helps me.
I like to work. But not living to work....working to live. And enjoying the time when I carve out free time.
I like to travel. And dream about traveling. I want to do more. Girl's trips. Me trips. Kid trips. It's important to me. Makes me smile.
I like smiling. Letting go of worry.
I like having a good attitude.
I like rusty old things mixed in with new, modern things. White cupboards. I like using things for unusual purposes.
i like arbors.
inlets.
coves.
little places.
Yes, I am learning to give voice....even if just to myself...to things that I've liked for a long time. Learning to say yes to it. To work towards making and doing some of the things for me....very unusual. My ex didn't accommodate the things that were important to me. They were generally considered frivolous. My life was made to feel trivial.
Trivialized. That is how I felt and how I lived for over two decades.
Yet, I tried so hard to make a good marriage. To improve it. To make good choices. To let go of everything that got in the way. Turned out that who I was was in the way. Sad.
Takes a long time to let those likes out to play. But I'm trying. I'm in the picturing it stage. I'll get there.
I have a feeling it is going to be quite an amazing ride when I finally take off!!
blessings.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Go ahead. Make my day. Leave me a comment.