church

went into church on sunday to get my kids.  saw people who used to be nice to me.  it was hard with one.  someone i respect.  he was curt with me in my reaching out.  pushed by me.  when i put my hand on his arm to say hello, he barely stopped.  enough to be civil.  his wife enveloped me in a hug though.  sometimes i don't understand the "fairness".  but i wasn't crushed this time.  i was resigned.  i was able to see how i just need to be authentic and let things be.
and as i sit here in the hospital, i wonder, what is the church?  who is the church?  am i still part of the church.  i think so.  i know so.  but it can be pretty tough sometimes to find your place in the family.
i hope that whoever is part of my church is praying for me today.  really do.  but not so sure.  i am stressed.  and yet, i am also at peace.  so weird.  my stress comes from empathy for my family.  i hurt that they worry.  i don't want them to have to feel this.  but whatever happens ever in our lives, my father has them.  he's got it.  period.
lessons from the bed are many.
blessings.