goodbye

i have a guy friend.  he's online.  we said ttyl, but in some ways it means goodbye. not a day has gone by this week that i haven't wanted to talk to him. but, we bantered one day about a snow day.  for just a moment...since it was a joke that we had shared earlier in the week.  but, ttyl means time for him to find a woman to date....because now that we know each other,he wants to date me.  and that is so kind.  but  not happening.  i am content single it turns out.  and, i like that my kids won't have to deal with another parent.  yet....i really liked him.  wanted to be friends.  wanted to go to coffee. wanted to get to know him as a person, not as a potential spouse.  but, we got along so well online.  we agreed so easily.  we enjoyed each other. and he found that he wanted more.  and if he can't have it with me, he wants to try anyway.  so, we agreed to ttyl.  we will check in.  no real rules.  but he needs to be free from wanting to know me more if he's going to pursue someone else.  we want different things.  but we also want to enjoy the amazing commonalities.  we just couldn't get past the fact that he is going to want to date and i'm not and i'd feel pressured or he would feel stifled.  i'm not upset.  it was one of the best conversations i've ever had with anyone.  ever.  we communicated.  we both shared what we wanted and needed.  we tried to do it together, but knew we couldn't, so we allowed one another space to grow.
it's hard.
and beautiful.
and it taught me so much.
blessings