home

i got a sub.  went to school and got everything ready.  back home wondering what to do with my sweet dog.  she's not well.  she's lethargic.  she ate last night, but won't today.


so, heard from a friend who has dogs that sometimes they act like this because they are simply constipated.  lucky me.  i got to put a suppository up her rear.  wow.  that was a new experience.  truly.  wrapped that puppy in a blanket burrito with her rump out and did it. i think i've caused her to have trust issues since i got her to come out of her crate by being so nice and kind.  hmmm.  well, we'll have to address that issue later.
now, i have a timer set so that i can take her outside soon.  if it's going to work, it would be nice if it worked OUTSIDE.
i am content to be home where i can decide what needs to be done.
she went on a long walk.  she doesn't limp.  she's not her peppy self, but she trots along at a decent pace.  no running at high speeds which is her norm, but hey, that's ok.
my ex has been engaging me via email.  i succumbed and wrote more than i should have.  i explained why it is so difficult when he is late with his payments.  but, he just doesn't get it.  so, i need to remember that i don't have to be understood anymore and that i just need to state what i need simply and clearly.
he didn't answer my question about whether he's going to get married.  guess it's none of my business.  he did say that quite awhile ago,the pastor had suggested that he ask me what i thought.  so, i returned the question with "what would you have done if i disagreed?"  he said he would have listened to me but that he didn't know what he would have done.  hmmm.   if he is really serious about someone else, he should know exactly what he would do...which is to calmly and kindly tell me that he's in love with someone else.  you can't hedge your bets in relationships.  you can't sit on the fence.  if that's the case, you're not ready yet...and that's not fair to a new person.  but, i didn't say that to him.  it's not my place.  i think that he only asked me because he was told to.  sooooo.....i'll live with that just fine.
i don't mind him dating.  don't mind who he chooses.  however, what he did feels like he was ashamed or something.  it bothers me that he talks about how he had to talk to the kids, but he left out the kid that he needs to build a relationship with.  ah, yet another thing not in my area to influence.
so, i pray.
for my dog.
for my kids.
for the grace to deal with an ex that still simply doesn't get anything about me.  i think that is the only part that hurts.  i gave over 20 years to someone to whom i am invisible for who i am and only seen for what i can be for or give to him.  that makes my heart ache.  so, i pray.  and i walk on.
blessings.