text, message, call

there's a friend...not a bestie, but a friend...i've called, messaged and texted.  she was answering.  she was talking.  but now, she doesn't answer and doesn't respond.  at all.  i finally wrote, "i messaged, called and texted for awhile and i never heard back, so i got a clue."  she read it.  didn't respond.  i don't know what to do with that.  it hurt.  quite a bit actually.
and with that and my job stuff, i'm just not doing very well.  i'm depressed.  i feel it.  i sense it.  i am doing things to end it.  but, part of me knows that i have to wait for it to pass.  i have to pray and rest and just let myself heal.  it has been a rough year.  nobody that calls to say, "would you like to...?"  and that's ok.  i've needed a lot of alone time.  but the never is starting to be a little bit painful.
wish.  wish that i wasn't the person that seems to turn people off.  but, not willing to wish away who i am.  finally remembered how to like her.  think i'll just have to enjoy that.
but today is a hard day.  so instead of doing the yard, i'm vegging.  that's fine.  the world won't end.

blessings.