Change

I am less involved with my husband.  I have told him so.  Told him exactly what I need.  Told him how difficult this is....living like it's ok.  How it wears on me.  I don't mean being nice.  Being nice when together is a good thing.  I mean that he behaves as if nothing is wrong.  After the nearly five hour event last saturday, last night he comes home and tells me that some friends have in relatives from Peru and that they asked us to come over.  I know that I should be happy.  I know that I should go.  But I will already have put in time at a birthday party....which, I am glad to go to, it's just hard because it's always, "you can sit over there by *husband*."  Or questions that are difficult to answer.  So, I hesitate. 
I won't go tonight, after the party.  Pretty sure.  Because I just can't do it.  I have long hours to work this upcoming week. 
The extent of mother's day prep was.......him:  what are we doing for mother's day?  me:  haven't thought about it. 
Things have changed though.  Inside.  Where they have needed to.  Ever so often I read this book, "You Can Work it Out."  The author has a lot of valid points.  However, unfortunately, we fit in an odd category in the book....the "he doesn't want to get better, he wants to continue on in denial."  He wants me to keep giving more chances.  No matter how it hurts.  I know that people around probable wonder why I'm such a bitch to the nice guy.
Something is sooo wrong.  All of the things that he knows are a problem when dealing with me...he has switched over towards our kids.  Poor things.  They get the money lectures.   Moreso than before. 
I can't wait until vacation.  I need away.  And, I can't wait for Summer School!  I get to teach.  I am so excited.  "Real" work.  I feel all grown up. 
After last week's big deal, he is back to calling me dear.  aarrgghh.  He manipulates well.  Scarily so.  To look good.  To try to convince.  Strangely, the one thing he will never do is respect what I ask or need.  Nope.  He'll act all nice, but the bottom line is that it's still all about him and what he wants and how he wants things to be. 
Poor thing.  This is all my fault...I did it fir so long.  I wanted to.  I wanted to be a good wife.  This doesn't feel great, but being a good wife does not mean being a real person. 
Things have changed.  To a degree.  Patience.  That's what I remind myself.