crushed or lifted

i have had to make some decisions lately.  the biggest one has been what to do with all of the painful bad stuff. it sits on me.  weighs me down.  crushes me.  so...mentally...and we all know that i'm mental....i began to shift my perspective.  not "oh i'm so happy blah blah blah".  no, i started visualizing me bad stuff building up under me.  steps?  a podium?  a lawnchair?  i visualize them as different things as they come, but the point is that they are under me.  they are building me up to a better place rather than sitting on me.  and this changed me.  it put my troubles where they belong.  under me.  oh, i have to deal with each one as it comes. that's not the crushing part.  the crushing part is holding on to all of them at once and finding that there remains not a breath left in me and i am paralyzed.  so now, i take one at a time as best as i can.  and i fall apart now and again just to break up the pieces to make them easier to build with. ;)  but i don't allow them to get on top of me to stay.  i refuse that.  someone else used to hold bad things there.  ever in front of me.  no encouragement or belief in me.  i don't have to live like that anymore, so i need to make new choices.  have new vision.
blessings.