Sigh. Of. Relief.
This was my first Easter without the ex. I am so glad to report that it was awesome. I was comfortable. I was happy. I AM happy. Life is better for me. I am at peace. For real at peace. Genuinely. Even when there's hard stuff. For the first time in a very long time, I know who I am to a degree. I don't wake up feeling oppressed.
But, my ex sang in church today. A song about not having to be who you were. About shame and grace. It really is a beautiful song. But, it was about "love wins". I think that I was somehow supposed to be all warm and fuzzy feeling toward him. What others wouldn't have realized is that he hasn't changed. He may have made some mental commitments...but he still lives for him. He had a son sitting right there in that service that he hasn't spoken to. He has not learned to stand for those he loves. He is still all about him. And it was awkward. I just quit looking at him and let God talk to me. Comfort me. Help me through. And He did.
What a joy today was. Deeply. Grandkids. Family. Great food. Easter Egg Hunt Extreme. Pictures. Smiles. On everyone. I love that.
This was my first Easter without the ex. I am so glad to report that it was awesome. I was comfortable. I was happy. I AM happy. Life is better for me. I am at peace. For real at peace. Genuinely. Even when there's hard stuff. For the first time in a very long time, I know who I am to a degree. I don't wake up feeling oppressed.
But, my ex sang in church today. A song about not having to be who you were. About shame and grace. It really is a beautiful song. But, it was about "love wins". I think that I was somehow supposed to be all warm and fuzzy feeling toward him. What others wouldn't have realized is that he hasn't changed. He may have made some mental commitments...but he still lives for him. He had a son sitting right there in that service that he hasn't spoken to. He has not learned to stand for those he loves. He is still all about him. And it was awkward. I just quit looking at him and let God talk to me. Comfort me. Help me through. And He did.
What a joy today was. Deeply. Grandkids. Family. Great food. Easter Egg Hunt Extreme. Pictures. Smiles. On everyone. I love that.
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