clear the porch. paint the table. paint the floor. paint the cabinets. cut the chicken. bread the chicken. fry the chicken. buy the sauces. cut the fruit. clean up the dog poop. pull the grass out of the garden. clean the floors. clean the counters. clean the drawers. clean the house in general. move the furniture. buy the table cloths. get the fondue pots. get lots of chocolate. order the cake...i did that. ;) set up the yard. put up the awning. put up the volleyball. get the soda on ice in the baby pool...which i need to buy. get the boy his dress clothes...did that today...return the shirt that's too tight...do that tuesday....he looks good in dress clothes. really good. go to countless nights out. try to make small talk. vulnerable. tired.
finish ILP's for school. finish grading. post grades. clean classroom. go to meetings. move stuff into my classroom. finish projects. two more field trips. finish reading redwall to them.
cook. clean. keep up. make coffee. go grocery shopping. run errands.
too much stuff. too much. mostly just because of the ex. painful. mostly because people don't get it. i don't know what to talk about. i hate crowds anyway. not like...the airport...but rather, the mingle kind of party. totally out of my comfort zone.
haircut. nails. something good to wear for graduation.
pray. read. reconnect. have faith. choose. breathe. love. enjoy. be at peace. practice acts of kindness. smile more. god has gone nowhere. he knows me. sees me. will provide for me. even in all of this cray cray. i am carried. i am filled. he is enough. for me. each day. more than enough.
have to breathe. remember to breathe. back to holding my breath. not good. not the life god has planned for me.
i made it to a party today. i can do this. not on my own strength. not alone. but that's the hard part. i am alone. i am not one of those people who can call mom or aunt or sister or grandma or whatever.....i just have to do it. period. and enjoy when people have time or choose to help...but know that nobody owes it.
one thing at a time.
and remembering to rest and sleep.
blessings.
finish ILP's for school. finish grading. post grades. clean classroom. go to meetings. move stuff into my classroom. finish projects. two more field trips. finish reading redwall to them.
cook. clean. keep up. make coffee. go grocery shopping. run errands.
too much stuff. too much. mostly just because of the ex. painful. mostly because people don't get it. i don't know what to talk about. i hate crowds anyway. not like...the airport...but rather, the mingle kind of party. totally out of my comfort zone.
haircut. nails. something good to wear for graduation.
pray. read. reconnect. have faith. choose. breathe. love. enjoy. be at peace. practice acts of kindness. smile more. god has gone nowhere. he knows me. sees me. will provide for me. even in all of this cray cray. i am carried. i am filled. he is enough. for me. each day. more than enough.
have to breathe. remember to breathe. back to holding my breath. not good. not the life god has planned for me.
i made it to a party today. i can do this. not on my own strength. not alone. but that's the hard part. i am alone. i am not one of those people who can call mom or aunt or sister or grandma or whatever.....i just have to do it. period. and enjoy when people have time or choose to help...but know that nobody owes it.
one thing at a time.
and remembering to rest and sleep.
blessings.
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