Morning

morning came.  i opened my eyes.  a day.  like any other.  and then the creeping remembering comes over me like the sun stealing over the beach grass....today is special.  today, my son graduates.  today, the son that i have struggled with and for is GRADUATING.  he made it.  he is not magna nor summa cum laude.  he is not valedictorian.  he won't be addressing the crowd.  he got no prestigious awards.  he won't be attending harvard.  he shan't be trekking off to europe for school either.  he isn't getting married.  he hasn't started his own business in high school that he sold for a million dollars.  he isn't a track, wrestling, football, dance, baseball, or basketball star.  he sports no academic letter.  and yet, my heart absolutely swells in pride and joy and excitement for him.  the one that i worried about sticking it out.....even sticking around in his life...the one that seemed near giving up...is GRADUATING.  and....going to college.  and has friends.  and smiles.  and is having a party.  and has a voice.  the one that shrinks back often in the midst of the thought of crowds is pleased with himself.  and i.  his mother.  his mom.  his mama.  his sometimes nemesis and sometimes hero is absolutely pleased.  with him.  with who he is.  with how he is.  with who he is becoming.  with how he thinks.  with the fact that he does think.  proud.  amazed.  and.  thankful to god.  for interpreting my tears into words.  for reading the mri of my heart and seeing the need for Him to carry my son.  for doing the miraculous.  for being a father to my child.  even when the child doesn't really give Him the attention He deserves.  He has been more than faithful.  He has been kind.
and He sent this morning light.  to awaken me slowly to this remembering.  to allow me to revel quietly in this worship.  to remember once again that in the midst of all of the drama.  in the middle of all of the questions.  He is all of the answers.  and He loves.  fully.  without reserve.  and He will care for my children.  will care for me.  and in Him there is no drama.  only life.  and peace.  and hope.  and joy.  in Him there is living.  abundantly.
and on this day, in my very soul.  that place where there are no words.  even for me.  i long for my child to know how God has done this thing for him.  because He loves him without reserve.  but all i can do is show my child with my paltry love. a little sample.  a taste.  an appetizer of what is to come.  for His Father will be enough.  always.  forever.  and will never be disappointed in him.
morning came.  again.  and just that fact, without all of the other is reason to glory.  but with all of the other, it's reason for dancing, shouting, singing, frolicking.
blessings.