skills

today i had a formal observation in my classroom.  it is a multi stepped process where i have to provide for my administrator exactly what i am doing, why, how it aligns to the standards, what i will do for those who don't get it, what i will do for those who go ahead and then i have to be observed accomplishing those listed goals for an hour.

it's grueling.  it's hard for me.  more than most of you can possibly imagine.  that introvert aspect kicks in.  i am great with my classes.  i love to teach.  but i am lousy at organizing my room.  i hate having people in the room that aren't helping but simply.....staring....and taking notes.....and talking to the kids about whether or not they know what the purpose is for what we are doing.  it's intimidating to me.  it is emotionally draining.  i feel adequate.  i feel like i have good skills, but in comparison to some of the master teachers, i feel lacking.  i'm a natural teacher.  gifted even.  but the data and meetings and jargon....well, i have very little interest.  i guess that i just don't see the point.  

now...LEARNING....i love learning.  i love teaching.  that's amazing.  fabulous.  inspiring.  i like it a lot.  it feeds my soul.  it's fun to connect with kids.  i am absolutely enthralled by the moment that they go "aha"...when they get it...when they dig until they find what they need to know.

i teach differently.  maybe because i despise meetings.  and boring sitting down times. i like to laugh.  to be surprised. to see videos.  to hear songs.  to do things.  i like to participate. if you ask me to sit for six hours and listen to someone drone on all day...i'd feel panic.  but that's what so many people expect of kids. 

i'm tired of hearing rigorous learning being related to being boring.  to being endless paperwork.  learning is being engaged.  being engaged means having something to look forward to...to look for...to discover....to think about.  being engaged is the only thing that keeps children digging after knowledge.  being engaged means being motivated.  pushed.  pulled. drawn. sucked in.  

i have to say that more than any observation that goes well, the moment that my kids say, "that is so cool!"...and it's history or science or grammar.....is a much bigger moment.  they are why i do my job.

BUT to keep my job, i have to do the other.  the observation.  the being put on display.

strangely though.....this time....i guess that i was extra nervous because i consciously decided to teach my way, in my manner and just see what my administrator actually thought.  most of the time, teachers have special lessons or activities that are their go to things for being observed.  this time i decided i wanted to know what she actually thought of the actual me.  

she said, "it was superb."  i don't have my post conference until next week...but that was her response at the end of class.  i was shocked.  she's tough.  always find things that we can do better....which i like.  but, she said superb.  and the coolest part?  it wasn't a show.  it was me.  teaching them.  as we do it.  in our class.  in our way.  

so.  that made it pretty awesome.

blessings.