today was a normal day. another day of puttering. took a long bath. doing laundry. doing room clean up. watching audrey hepburn movies. relaxing. reflecting. contemplating. planning. dreaming. researching. coffee drinking. chili making.
just out of the tub when the phone rang. it was my nephew's phone number. my ex's nephew. mine too, but his brother's son. except, it wasn't. it was my sister in law. they were going through town from a nearby mountain town and wanted to bring by some food that they couldn't take back home. a ham and such. so....we were going to see them. i haven't seen them nor talked to them in a couple of years. the messages from the kids aren't so great. but, i said yes. i walked out and invtied them in. house in the post disarrary of christmas to some degree. floor in family room is concrete...no carpet. and no rug. sigh. but i invited them in. and they went to every room. sigh again. and looked things over. and commented on things. and it was fine. but i know that it'll be the conversation piece. tears fill my eyes as i realize that again. oh well. my friends don't come to see my floor nor my boys' messy room. very messy. oh well. again.
a little conversation. then they had to go because their grandson and daughter in law were in the car not feeling well. they were on their way out to eat. they went. we hugged and said goodbye. it was fine. weird. hard. but, i had already decided that it just had to not matter what they thought or what they pass along. my sister in law likes to talk badly with my mother in law. my daughter is hurt by their talk. but, it is what it is.
not all surprises are happy. but sometimes they bring good. strength. glorious strength. and the opportunity to have the attitude that we choose...no matter circumstances. today was difficult.
it wasn't in my plan. it was shocking. and yet....now it's over. i did it. i get to go on with my life. and what is said or thought really doesn't matter at all. what matters is that i live a kind life. that i choose. to show grace. to be happy. to play nice. but to just be me. not afraid to be me. that was the hardest part.
i guess it was good because spring is coming and they may be coming for graduation? not sure. we'll see.
i did well. i'm proud of me.
just out of the tub when the phone rang. it was my nephew's phone number. my ex's nephew. mine too, but his brother's son. except, it wasn't. it was my sister in law. they were going through town from a nearby mountain town and wanted to bring by some food that they couldn't take back home. a ham and such. so....we were going to see them. i haven't seen them nor talked to them in a couple of years. the messages from the kids aren't so great. but, i said yes. i walked out and invtied them in. house in the post disarrary of christmas to some degree. floor in family room is concrete...no carpet. and no rug. sigh. but i invited them in. and they went to every room. sigh again. and looked things over. and commented on things. and it was fine. but i know that it'll be the conversation piece. tears fill my eyes as i realize that again. oh well. my friends don't come to see my floor nor my boys' messy room. very messy. oh well. again.
a little conversation. then they had to go because their grandson and daughter in law were in the car not feeling well. they were on their way out to eat. they went. we hugged and said goodbye. it was fine. weird. hard. but, i had already decided that it just had to not matter what they thought or what they pass along. my sister in law likes to talk badly with my mother in law. my daughter is hurt by their talk. but, it is what it is.
not all surprises are happy. but sometimes they bring good. strength. glorious strength. and the opportunity to have the attitude that we choose...no matter circumstances. today was difficult.
it wasn't in my plan. it was shocking. and yet....now it's over. i did it. i get to go on with my life. and what is said or thought really doesn't matter at all. what matters is that i live a kind life. that i choose. to show grace. to be happy. to play nice. but to just be me. not afraid to be me. that was the hardest part.
i guess it was good because spring is coming and they may be coming for graduation? not sure. we'll see.
i did well. i'm proud of me.
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