risk. dancing. living. going out.

i am kind of tired of risk taking.  it is wearing on me.  i love so many but i have this sense of being outside.  i'm not the just talk about stuff on the fly.  i require time.  and somehow i am not drawing people who want to spend any time with me.  being on my own isn't horrible.  i'm happy.  i just have a hard time with rejection.
yet, i do so many things that are out there.  i risk so often.
it's all about the bass has been going around my school.  and i started it...dancing through the halls.  now, we're going to do a parody.  and i smile.  because it's a huge thing for me.
but i'm sitting on the couch alone still.
i don't have friends that want to sit with me. or have a glass of wine.  or play a game.  or go to a movie. not even anyone who calls just to chat.  just don't.  guess that's just how it is.  guess i should stop asking since it makes me look like a total puppy dog hanging on.
just going to keep living happy.  not worried about it.  just....it was pointed out by one of my acquaintances that it happens.  a comforting conversation.  kind.  a little embarrassing...but not much.
so here i am.
i am dancing.  literally.  crazily.  enjoying.
i am laughing.  heartily.  joyfully.
i am living.
i am loving.
i can't help what others see or choose or do.
but i can decide not to force myself into the position that i feel the pain of being overlooked....forgotten....i can just go on without reaching out.
i can.
but i probably won't.  even though it hurts how it is, it's not who i am.
i'll just be true to who i am while still being careful with my heart.
i'll try.