ok, i'm working my way through those boxes that i didn't want to face. my room is torn apart again. this time with an eye toward my own future. not just temporary survival. went through pics and cards and all that goes with it.
so...rough day.
but still.....i have done it. and i am able to breathe. i can't believe how long i couldn't.
and in church i hear how important it is to stay in god's will. and that's exactly where i feel like i am. but i can see that many wouldn't agree. but they didn't walk my life.
i loved deeply. i gave much. it was so one sided. i get that he needed me. desired me to meet his needs. and to make me feel badly for how i did it. somehow that made him feel better. but it wounded me. and no matter how many times i tried to address it, it never helped. he refused to listen. i did have one letter that he apologized. it had been a particularly bad time. and he was awful. i don't feel like it should have been so hard for him to treat kindly someone he loved. but it was.
i read portions of my prayer journals. how much i tried to change me. prayed to be more kind, gentle.....loving. i took responsibility.
ok. well. on to getting some of this cleaned up. a few more hours without my kids. then they'll come home. and i will be more peaceful.
but all in all.....i am proud. because i am strong. strong in the lord.
blessings
so...rough day.
but still.....i have done it. and i am able to breathe. i can't believe how long i couldn't.
and in church i hear how important it is to stay in god's will. and that's exactly where i feel like i am. but i can see that many wouldn't agree. but they didn't walk my life.
i loved deeply. i gave much. it was so one sided. i get that he needed me. desired me to meet his needs. and to make me feel badly for how i did it. somehow that made him feel better. but it wounded me. and no matter how many times i tried to address it, it never helped. he refused to listen. i did have one letter that he apologized. it had been a particularly bad time. and he was awful. i don't feel like it should have been so hard for him to treat kindly someone he loved. but it was.
i read portions of my prayer journals. how much i tried to change me. prayed to be more kind, gentle.....loving. i took responsibility.
ok. well. on to getting some of this cleaned up. a few more hours without my kids. then they'll come home. and i will be more peaceful.
but all in all.....i am proud. because i am strong. strong in the lord.
blessings
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