love

loving my kids.  it's a hard deal.  oh no, it's not that they are difficult to love.  quite the opposite. i love them like i breathe...without even thinking about it.  it's natural.  it's intense.  it's a part of me.  and that love can cause a lot of pain.  because when they hurt, i wish that they didn't have to.  i wish that i could carry it for them.but it's not possible.  their lives are their own.  their pain is their own.  and while my tears flow in empathy, and my heart catches in my chest, I have to let them walk the path set before them.  they are sweet.  and good.  and ornery.  and wonderful.  and smart.  and inquisitive.  and god has good plans for them.  and he is about causing those plans to come to fruition.  and i know that i have to stay out of the way.  and let him work.  even when they hurt.  it's ok to hurt sometimes.  to wonder.  to be unsure.  to mess up.  god still has a plan.
but boy, it hurts this mama's heart to know when they have pain.  so, i do what i can.  i pray.  i release.  i encourage.  i trust.  i believe that they will come to the right place on their own.  and i pray some more.  and let go some more.  and i weep.  and i keep on believing.  knowing.  having faith.  for the love i have for them is miniscule in comparison to the love that their god has for them.  and that floors me.  i can't even imagine.  how beautiful.  i can trust my beloveds to him.  wholly.  completely.
what a comfort.