mail

i own a house.  i own a mailbox.  i pay to feed the children in the house.  i take care of their other needs to.  they are growing into nice people.  and...today, in the mail, they got a thanksgiving card.  not all of the children, just my youngest two.  not addressed to me and the children.  nope.  that's how it has been done for years.  but, no, not anymore.  speaks volumes, doesn't it?  my family treats him with more than due respect.  his family treats me with none.  it was that way for over twenty years.  so it continues.  and i wouldn't mind so much.  except that they excluded my son that they don't approve of anymore. bugs me.  because he shouldn't be recognized based on what he does for them.  and his dad should have put an end to this a long while back.  it was nearly a year ago that things went badly on the trip to texas.  sadness.  hurt for him.  and maybe a little for me.  because it means that my ex has truly not changed.  and i guess that i always think that maybe i'm wrong.  maybe he gets it.  but he doesn't.  he holds on and makes sure things are ok for him and if it goes badly for others, he just covers his own behind.  pathetic behavior.  and it loses so much for him.  what sadness.  what a tragedy.  it stinks.  because it means that he never can fully give our kids what they need.  because when push comes to shove, he will choose his own skin, his own popularity with his family, his own comfort, his own fitting in....over them.
no mail.  not for me.  oh well.  that's how it goes.  just wish that i could fix the other part.
on an up note....i am quite happy.  joyously so.  and i am finding my "groove".  finding my ability to do the things that make memories again.  i was shut down last christmas.  it was all i could do to get things out and get them ready.  this year is better.  the crushing oppression is leaving my soul a bit at a time.  those learned fears and behaviors aren't quick to disperse.  but they do go.  and i am better and better at fighting them off.
i'm already praying about next year's word.....balance and fearless so far.  what comes next?  can't wait.
blessings.