it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

 a ladder tree.  kinda funny looking.  but brings me joy.  i saw it at a shop i love and made my own version.  it greets me at the front door.

 the meaning of christmas.  jesus.  the baby.  the center.  he grew up.  and he chose us.  he gave us life.  he gave life meaning.  and remains..at the center.

 the light has come into the world.  i love candles.  the soft light.  the peaceful, quiet, calmness.  the beauty.  the way that the one little flame can bring light to a room.  may i be a light in my part of the world.

 i saw the paper tree and the card rack on pinterest  and i decided to make them.  makes me happy to know that the part of me that i remember from a long time ago is still in there and still struggling to be a part of me.  i stifled so much for so long.  and right now, i feel the gift that god is giving me is the ability to create again.  to risk. to try.  to go for what is beautiful.  though it's not something i've been practicing.  i love beauty.  twinkle lights are awesome!

 this little tree took an entire bobbsey twins book.  i had to risk by ripping out the first pages.  it was in pretty bad shape...but, i'm a book person....so, it was difficult.  it took a lot of hand tearing of paper.  and a lot of time to put them on the skewer.  but i like it because i made it.  i saw one that i liked and i made my own.  twas pretty awesome to do.

went to the goodwill to look for tree toppers.  how is it that i can't find any cheap ones?  i want to put them on my mantle when i get it built!  oh yeah, i have to build a mantle too.  fun times ahead.  but, as is my norm, while i was wandering the store looking for the tree toppers, i found this funky white vintage tree.  and i was going to cut off the ugle candy canes and red plastic balls.  i thought that they simply lit up when you plugged the tree in.  i was going to put the tree in a new, better...prettier....container and get rid of all of the uncomely ornaments.  but.  yes, but.....i plugged in the little tree and realized that in the base there is a color wheel!! i squealed.  now, the ugly just has to stay.  can't desecrate that.  i know...i'm weird.  i'm aware.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas.  mostly on the inside.  in my heart.  because i've learned and am learning that my ex can't steal my joy.  not anymore.  i am full of joy.  full.  i know that i've been blessed.  i've been given an opportunity to live...really live....and i don't intend to let that go unappreciated.  my ex may do things this holiday season that make it difficult to organize.  or that trouble me.  that's ok.  i'm not afraid.  i am fearless.  this year has been the training ground for that.  and i've learned to sit down, lay down, cover up, take a rest or whatever else it is that i need to do so that i can take care of me and keep going.  just a year ago i was a mess.  totally overwhelmed.  discouraged.  alone.  troubled.  and now...whether i have a houseful or end up hanging out on my own, i'll be fine.  last year i was grieving.  this year i am celebrating.  i choose happy.
blessings.