my favorite holiday

i love thanksgiving.  the food.  the warmth.  the family.  i absolutely love it.  there's not much to prepare but a meal.  turkey.  taters.  pie. sigh.  yum.
and i love the preparing the heart month.  30 days of giving thanks.
and today, i had the oddest thing to be thankful for when i awoke.  i realized that i'm able to face the fact that i'm not missed at my church without heartbreak or anger.  i am thankful that i can finally just let it be what it is.  it nearly killed me that not even my friends let me know that they miss me.  of all things that would seem not to matter much, for me, this was a huge one.  a hurdle.  and i've jumped it. not alone.  with the strength that god gives.  with time.  tears.  grief.  i've chosen.  and though i falter at times, mostly, i kind of just forget that pain...at least consciously.  i move on.  to what god has for me.  because he does have things for me.  people for me.  or not.  but life is full.  breathing.  feeling peace.  relief.
i am so thankful for the relief in my soul.  totally relieved.
and i am thankful for dreams for the future.  a future full of possibility and not fear.
i am thankful for being able to learn to save money and to make mistakes and still be able to breathe.
i am thankful.
for my beautiful kids.  mine and the ones that aren't mine but that bless my life so much.  so very thankful.  the best teachers ever.
i am thankful for true friends.  even if i  am not their family, i still am quite blessed by the friends i have.
i am thankful for work.  my job.  which has been really hard.  but immensely satisfying.  i fight back for the ability to teach children and not to jump through hoops.
i am thankful for the opportunity to give.
i am thankful for my bed.  i love being in my bed.
i am thankful for the beauty outside.
i am thankful for time to just sit.
and enjoy
for good food
for wine
for gentle hearts
especially for gentle hearts.
i am thankful.