fuzzy

there's warm and fuzzy.  that's a good thing.  like a cuddly puppy or kitten.  it feels safe.  comforting.
or fuzzy socks.  they warm us on our sick days.  ski days.  freezing cold arctic days.  comforting.
or fuzzy blankets.  enveloping.  warming.  cuddling.  peace giving.  comforting.
then, there's another kind of fuzzy.
the kind of fuzzy on the radio station.  things aren't clear.  sounds come in and out.  irritating.
or  the fuzzy tv screen when the winds rage and you have satellite.  the blips.  the blackness.  irritating.
or the fuzzy mind.  thoughts fading away.  coming back. always slightly out of reach. scary.  irritating.

i finally found my grandmother.  she doesn't remember me.  well, the remembers the idea of me.  maybe the childhood me.  it was hard.  but she was there.  at least i got to say that i love her.  that she meant a lot to my life.  and she told me...in the midst of all of the fuzzy....how much she has always loved me.


it's all fuzzy now.  through the tears.  as i struggle to hold them back.  wondering so many things.  thinking so many thoughts.  and....simply moving into the day that is planned for me.

blessings.