steak and tater

having a steak at home when it's only you is super cheap.  and fast.  really fast.  i got home, cooked and have eaten in less than an hour.  crazy, huh?
it was nice.
but, i learned that it's difficult to find steak for one!  go figure.  i've always had to buy meat in the family sized packs, so i hadn't ever really noticed.  now i do.
i noted how much time i spend alone as i got in my car at the grocery store.
i wasn't sad.  though, a bit somber.
it does feel odd to have made it to this place in life and not have anyone that calls to hang out.  or get a coffee.  or have a meal.  it's interesting.  fascinating.  guess that it's good that being alone isn't uncomfortable for me.
but in the parking lot, there was this moment.  slight.  fast.  but, it was there.  it was regret.
i  spent a lot of years married.  and usually, i don't regret it.  but, i gave up a whole lot when i got married.  my relationships.  my close bonds. they were severed by the needs of my ex.  by his need to always go see his family. no time for those that were close to me.  it was hard.  horrible.  but. i was trying to be a good wife.  a christian wife.
and what did it get me?  living my 50th year without calls or cards.  without letters or kudos.  i have people in my life.  i just find that i lost those that reached out to me.
and i don't think that i have it in me to build them again.
so.
yes.
the feeling came.
but it left.
i got to come home and eat quietly.
and i'll rest before i go pick up my kids.
it's all good.
blessings.