self control

some people are food junkies.  i am a foodie.  i like food a lot.  but, i can go without something even if i want it without that much self control.  but there are connections, relationships, and emotional things that i really crave.  i like being remembered.  i like being asked.  but, i also like touching base and doing the asking.  and, while it's good to connect, it can also be annoying.  so, i find myself feeling much of the time at odds with taking care of my needs and being thoughtful.  it's a tough balance.  i know that a lot of it has to do with the vast amounts of time that i have alone.  i know that it's that though i'm an introvert, i like to share things.  something shared is so much lovelier.  however, i keep remembering that if i'm doing too much asking and nobody else is asking or inviting me...then, probably it's time to move on in life.  makes me cringe.  i'm a stayer. with people.  with relationships.  but i haven't seemed to put myself in a place in life that my needs are going to be met.  i have school friends.  and they are fun.  and they make me laugh.  and we learn a lot from one another.  it's not the same though.  they are coworkers who are there because we are thrown together. so i struggle.  i have to show self control.  though life has been strange and without much  laughter with friends time.  i have to figure it out.  i love to laugh.  absolutely love it.  and it's good for me.  so, i will work on learning to laugh anyway.  good practice since all of my kids will be gone in just a couple of years.
so.  self control.  doing something i don't want to do.  i can do it.  i know i can.  nooo problem.  well, maybe a little problem.  but, it will get better. eventually.
blessings.