Blessings in Disguise

I know, from experience, that many things that don't seem good at the time turn out to be good.  Word is that this is called "a blessing in disguise."  I've had a lot of those.  These kinds of blessings tend to come with strings attached....like having to wait, wondering, hoping, wishing, praying, desiring, giving up, giving in.....they come HARD.  I am kinda hoping for a blessing or two not in disguise in my life right now.  I am weary.  Tired.
I found a friend/mentor from my past on facebook recently.  She knew me as a child.  We were chatting.  Nothing deep.  Until it was.  She cut to the heart....have you ever considered divorce?  And I shook.  And tear came.  And it took me quite awhile to respond......fear.  Finally reconnected with someone whom I respected, admired and actually felt like got me....and here I am, a failure.  Finally I typed it.....I wanted it to have smaller font...."yes".  And the fear gripped me.  I shook.  I thought, great, here comes the lecture, the shoulds, the biblical talk.  But it didn't.  She asked wise questions.  She took the time to hear me.  And she told me that I needed to talk with my friends.  And that they might leave.  And that they might choose him. But that if they did then I would make new friends.  That I would be fine.  That I had gone through hard times before and been taken care of and that I would survive now too.  She told me that I have a right to be happy.  To make choices.  To feel hopeful and valuable.  She didn't tell me to get divorced.  She didn't tell me to stay married.  Instead, she told me how to live.
I wanted to share it with someone.  But I feel so stupid.  Everyone else has mamas to tell them stuff.  To be there.  Siblings that show up.  I don't.  And I haven't for a long time.  She got how my grandma was in my life.......wow.  I didn't have to try to explain.  She knew how it must have been.  She said that I reminded her too much of my mother.  I said that I didn't remind her enough of her.....I failed to meet the grandeur of her memory.
But whatever comes, this reconnection sparked a hope in me.  A feeling of taking a breath.  For that I am so thankful. It wasn't a blessing in disguise.
Now, this not getting the job thing.....I'm having trouble seeing it as a blessing, though I know that it will be exactly the right one at exactly the right time.
Today I looked for jobs in other states.  Maybe I should start over.  Probably not.  Probably just hurt feelings about my job search here.  But, it felt freeing to think of being somewhere where he isn't.  Where I don't sit as I am now, tense and wondering at what moment he will walk in.  He is inexplicably absent again tonight.  While I don't care.....I shudder wondering when he will walk in.  I am so tired of it.  I want my room.  I NEED a room.  But, I have what I have.  A place to live.  Being with my kids.  Loving them dearly.  I have good friends.  Though I generally have been not saying the hard stuff.
I am not yet sure if she's right.  But, maybe so.  Maybe simply knowing.  But, the thing is....making people feel a sense of having to choose or of feeling like I want them to blame....well, it seems icky.  I want them to form their own opinions.  I want them to do as they need to.  So......I keep walking basically alone.  And it hurts.  It's like constantly holding my finger in the dyke.  It wears me out and more water just keeps pushing through.
The best part is that she said that she would pray for me every single day.  Another breath of relief.
I know that it's a small seeming thing....but it helped to give life back to my hurting soul.