my ex is practically giddy. our daughter is going to play basketball. our boys were good players, but wouldn't play on the team. their dad was so competitive with them. he didn't lift them up and make them feel confident....he let them know what they were doing wrong and mostly, how he was better.
but this is a daughter. he even took her to get shoes last night. paid for them. that's......huge. for him. it's good for her too.
i am happy that she is doing this. happy that she wants to. happy that it gives her and her dad an activity that he enjoys so that she will see him. that's what i've come to realize....if he has something that he really likes to do and the kids will do it with him, then they do something together...then they see one another. if there's not, then they don't. there's a rather convenient way to parent.
i hope that he is encouraging. it would be really wonderful if she could have that from her dad. a true gift. because there's not much there. unfortunately, she kind of uses him to get what she wants. not in a relational way....in a "do this for me" sort of way.
last night she just said that practice begins today. i had asked if it was after thanksgiving break. she had thought so. i figured we would take her for her physical and do the shopping over break. then last night, while i was out running a friend to something, my daughter calls. practice begins tomorrow. she wants new shorts. she wants basketball shoes. she has great running shoes. she has shorts from p.e. i told her that she could use those today, but that i would talk to her in 15 minutes when i got home. i told her that she could wear what she had for just one day...and that we would get things today. but, by the time i got home, she had facebooked with her dad. yep. they talk rarely. she started the conversation with her phone probably being in his car. if it is, it's been there for two days already. then, she let him know that basketball was beginning today and she didn't have what she needed. by the time i got home, she had a plan....he was going to pick her up to take her to get what she wanted. i didn't get mad at her. but i did explain again that her again that communicating times and dates for events and plans was important and that waiting until 12 hours until the next school day is not really ok. i also said that it made me sad that she acted to her dad as if it was something i wouldn't do when i had just heard about it.
hey, we're not even sure she can play today. no physical form. she doesn't even know where practice will be since we were displaced by the flood. she has no phone. she has no idea what TIME practice begins or ends. really. nor what days it is. or when they play games. i have no basketball paper from the coach. it went from "i think i want to play basketball and i'm getting some friends to do it too, " to "it's tomorrow and i need my stuff." and she got her dad to take her out and do it. i've told her before that it's not healthy to use people like that. she doesn't seem to care....seeing as how she manipulates it to get what she wants. and he gets to feel like a hero.
that's ok. i hadn't budgeted for shoes this week. and he buys them very little.
but still.....it's not the healthiest thing for my daughter as she hurtles toward being an adult. i wish that they had something more than that. guess i'll just let her take what she can get.
it has been a rather tough week. i woke up early and realized...it's only wednesday. wow. really?
ok, lord, carry me on through, cuz this is one of those tough times.
blessings.
but this is a daughter. he even took her to get shoes last night. paid for them. that's......huge. for him. it's good for her too.
i am happy that she is doing this. happy that she wants to. happy that it gives her and her dad an activity that he enjoys so that she will see him. that's what i've come to realize....if he has something that he really likes to do and the kids will do it with him, then they do something together...then they see one another. if there's not, then they don't. there's a rather convenient way to parent.
i hope that he is encouraging. it would be really wonderful if she could have that from her dad. a true gift. because there's not much there. unfortunately, she kind of uses him to get what she wants. not in a relational way....in a "do this for me" sort of way.
last night she just said that practice begins today. i had asked if it was after thanksgiving break. she had thought so. i figured we would take her for her physical and do the shopping over break. then last night, while i was out running a friend to something, my daughter calls. practice begins tomorrow. she wants new shorts. she wants basketball shoes. she has great running shoes. she has shorts from p.e. i told her that she could use those today, but that i would talk to her in 15 minutes when i got home. i told her that she could wear what she had for just one day...and that we would get things today. but, by the time i got home, she had facebooked with her dad. yep. they talk rarely. she started the conversation with her phone probably being in his car. if it is, it's been there for two days already. then, she let him know that basketball was beginning today and she didn't have what she needed. by the time i got home, she had a plan....he was going to pick her up to take her to get what she wanted. i didn't get mad at her. but i did explain again that her again that communicating times and dates for events and plans was important and that waiting until 12 hours until the next school day is not really ok. i also said that it made me sad that she acted to her dad as if it was something i wouldn't do when i had just heard about it.
hey, we're not even sure she can play today. no physical form. she doesn't even know where practice will be since we were displaced by the flood. she has no phone. she has no idea what TIME practice begins or ends. really. nor what days it is. or when they play games. i have no basketball paper from the coach. it went from "i think i want to play basketball and i'm getting some friends to do it too, " to "it's tomorrow and i need my stuff." and she got her dad to take her out and do it. i've told her before that it's not healthy to use people like that. she doesn't seem to care....seeing as how she manipulates it to get what she wants. and he gets to feel like a hero.
that's ok. i hadn't budgeted for shoes this week. and he buys them very little.
but still.....it's not the healthiest thing for my daughter as she hurtles toward being an adult. i wish that they had something more than that. guess i'll just let her take what she can get.
it has been a rather tough week. i woke up early and realized...it's only wednesday. wow. really?
ok, lord, carry me on through, cuz this is one of those tough times.
blessings.
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