hard work

i work hard.  inordinately hard.  and yet, not even close to as hard as some of my co-workers.  and i get griped at.  i hear complaints.  my boss was irritated today.  my students love me....or hate me.  some days, it feels like we have gained the peaks.   others, it feels like we'll never get out of the valleys.  it's constant.  it's huge.  and it's scary.  i don't want to fail the children.  i want to be a teacher worth having.  one that changes lives.  that says the good.  that loves.  that is firm enough to make kids stop and think about who they really want to be...who they can be.
i work really hard.  i get really tired.
yet.
yes.
yet.
i enjoy my work.
it satisfies.
because it matters.
because the children matter.
because the parents matter.
so much goes on.
this week another parent of a student died. yes, another.  in the last three weeks.
this one overdosed.
the other one had a heart attack.  unexpectantly.
two kids that i know of are just in the beginnings of divorce.
as in the last couple of weeks.
so many have mom's live in boyfriend with them.
prison.
drugs.
abuse.
it's.
hard.
and
yet.
yes.
yet.
it matters that i show up.
love.
care.
pray.
expect much.
push.
hold on.
it matters.
though so many days i feel like a failure.
totally.
it's not about me.
it's about lifting them up.
until they can hold themselves up
so, tired
and worn
and weary
and exhausted
and heartsick
i get up
each new day
and go again
because maybe
someday
something i said
something i did
something i believed
will change their lives
will awaken hope in them
will keep them safe
maybe.
it's hard work
for me
it's god's work through me
blessings.